W-E-I-G-H-T and you shall see...DISCIPLINE is the key!

*Sigh* My looooong battle against my weight has really got to stop. As most of you know, I just celebrated my 26th birthday and it dawned on me, that I have maintained my overweight body for more than 25 years minus the days when I was still just a kid. Back then I was way skinny. I was very choosy about my food and I was really hyper. I started my weight gain during puberty and I haven't lost it since. Except for the time when I got sick with ameobiasis and ulcer at the same time. I felt so deprived that I did gain all the weight back.


Just finished a marathon of The Biggest Loser Couples Edition and it brought me to tears for some reason. In a way, even if I didn't have 300 lbs. to lose I was able to relate to them. They were all so determined. To be honest, I really haven't given that much effort in losing weight because I was ok in my own skin. Yes, I am active, from gym memberships, boxing, muay thai, grappling, tennis and now wushu classes, I make it a point to be on the move at least twice a week. I even have some exercise equipment in my room which I do use. Yet, I just crave for food (sweet food) so much it's very hard not to binge. 


It's actually not about being self-conscious for me. I have my own ways of looking decent at least. It's just that I'm so tired of being tired. I can't go up the shaw blvd. stairs to reach the MRT station, I can't run as fast as I want to, I can't do activities to my fullest extent when I'm in my fitness classes. I also have this bloated feeling all the time. 
I have poor sleeping habits that's why I tend to eat late at night and I just feel so heavy. period.


Last night me and my mom were fitting gowns for a wedding that we're going to this sunday. Most of the dresses didn't fit anymore. I don't want to buy another gown. I want me to adjust to my clothes and not my clothes to adjust to me. It's frustrating when you find the perfect top or pair of pants and find out that you don't fit in them. Especially when I go thrift store shopping, *sigh*


When I rant about my weight to two of my favorite men in my life (my brother and Van) both of them say the word discipline. That's what I see in them too. (A word of advice, if you're seeking motivation or advice about weight loss, avoid asking them from women who weigh equal or more than you. Because like you, they're probably struggling too. Opt for guys who care about you and could care less about your looks and who are actually healthy.)


Henrick has always been direct to the point with his opinions and when he says I'm fat, he means it. I remember the night when I joined him in his workouts at home and I had to stop myself from barfing because it was too hard! He was doing plyometrics for his basketball game and it hurt my knees. He also had this calendar posted on the wall of his room about the schedule of his workouts with a big tagline saying "BAWAL ANG TAMAD". He also always tells me "Wala ka kasing displina". Sad but true. 


Van on the other hand has always been fit ever since I met him. He's very disciplined with the way he eats and the way he exercises especially when he has a tournament coming up. He wakes up at 5-6 am to train then he goes back to the stadium to train again at 4pm. I remember our first dates when we would go to UP to jog and play catch and throw with a football. I couldn't keep up with his pace. I do miss those days. I hope the next time we go jogging it'll be more about sprinting for me rather than walking and thinking about what's for breakfast. 


I know I'm bluffing when I say to myself that I can't do it. Yes, I lack discipline but I'm no quitter. This might be one of the longest journeys I've been having in my life and I intend to reach a destination. Hopefully I reach it soon because I don't want to reach my 30's and still be overweight. Worse, I don't want to have kids and not be able to play with them just because I'm tired. I'll do this, it may not be tomorrow, but soon, I just have to start today. 


THIS IS IT! GAME!